I see you eyeing me...

I'm trying my hardest not to think about him. Not to want to talk to him, or want to be with him. But it's so hard. I can't tell if he is really what I want, or if I just want him because I can't have him. I mean, the feelings never truly went away, even though I got over him the first time. I can't want him. I can't go back. And I know this. I accepted it one time. And I do again. But that doesn't make it any easier. Why did that night have to happen? Why us? Why then, after it'd been so long and both knew it could never happen again. But it did. And now I can't get him off my mind, even though he has no right to be there.

*Such a freaky coincidence, and so true. Here is what my horoscope said today:

Why do certain events keep occurring in your love life? Why do you always attract a certain type of person? It's a good time to get answers to these kinds of questions, so start asking.

It was always there, just never spoken

Well, for the millionth time this fall, I am sick once again. I've never come down with so many things than I have in the past two months in my entire life. I didn't go into work today. I woke up just not feeling well, and there was no way I could go in and work for 9 1/2 hours. I thought I might be able to go in this afternoon--and it could have been possible--but I knew everyone would just tell me to go back home and not want me to spread anything around if I'm contagious. So I slept all day. Now I just want this day to be over with. I'm just so bored and unhappy. I don't know if the job is what I'm unhappy with--I keep telling myself it's not. But I wonder if I'm just trying to convince myself that it's not that because I don't have anything else. And it's something that I should be happy with. But I think it's everything else that is going on in my life. Wait, make that everything that's NOT going on in my life. I just hate this feeling. This feeling of being dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Maybe I'm going through a quarter-life crisis two years early. I don't know. What I do know is that it's not getting any easier to adjust to life. Although, I did take one step, by joining a gym, which I am glad I did. Maybe I can meet some people there. I just can't take much more of this boring life of mine.