30 days. 1 month. Still no word from him, and still no contact on my end. Hard to believe that I spent just under a year with this guy, and it was over in one lousy phone call. Whatever, I deserve so much better.
I've been reading this awesome book about how to date in today's environment. I'm really liking it so far. Right now I'm working on figuring out the qualities of my ideal man and relationship. It's not as easy as it sounds! Here are some of the main qualities I'm looking for:
-Intelligent/Educated
-Attractive/Fit/Athletic
-Outgoing/Charismatic
-Good sense of humor/Funny
-Passionate
-Caring
-Romantic
-Liberal (or at least moderate)
-Nonreligious
-Social/Friendly
Hmmm, my other list on paper is longer, because I can't really think of any more right now...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
We've run out of reasons why we're together
I am very surprised--and proud--at how I've handled this breakup. I'm especially proud of the fact that I haven't made a fool of myself by begging him to take me back. No drunk phone calls, nothing.
I haven't heard from him, either. Which sucks. But it's better that way, for the both of us. It's hard to think about the fact he just really doesn't care about me anymore. So I try not to if the thought pops into my head. Sometimes it still feels unreal, that I haven't talked to him in what has now been 24 days. 24 days without any contact.
What has made him so much easier to get over is that it was a long-distance relationship. And the fact that it was falling apart before it officially ended. I'm used to being apart from him and unfortunately and much to my anger, not hearing from him. I know now that he will not call. So now I don't have to spend anymore time worrying when he was going to call me, why he hadn't called me. I know now that he should have been calling me several times a day!
I've been strong. Uncharacteristically strong. I've got a fairly good attitude about the situation. He was not 'the one'. While I may not have the future I envisioned with him anymore, I know I will have it someday, with someone else, someone better. I need to use this time to really learn to love myself, and to figure out what I want to do with my life. But that's a whole other story...
I haven't heard from him, either. Which sucks. But it's better that way, for the both of us. It's hard to think about the fact he just really doesn't care about me anymore. So I try not to if the thought pops into my head. Sometimes it still feels unreal, that I haven't talked to him in what has now been 24 days. 24 days without any contact.
What has made him so much easier to get over is that it was a long-distance relationship. And the fact that it was falling apart before it officially ended. I'm used to being apart from him and unfortunately and much to my anger, not hearing from him. I know now that he will not call. So now I don't have to spend anymore time worrying when he was going to call me, why he hadn't called me. I know now that he should have been calling me several times a day!
I've been strong. Uncharacteristically strong. I've got a fairly good attitude about the situation. He was not 'the one'. While I may not have the future I envisioned with him anymore, I know I will have it someday, with someone else, someone better. I need to use this time to really learn to love myself, and to figure out what I want to do with my life. But that's a whole other story...
Monday, April 13, 2009
Hello again.
It's been a long time since I last wrote an entry (not counting the other one from today). As is usually the case, a lot has happened in this past year. Most importantly, I left my job and I was in a serious relationship.
Was being the key word.
I am no longer in that relationship, which lasted just under a year (2 1/2 weeks short, to be exact). Tonight, it will officially have been 21 days since he broke up with me. I say "he broke up with me" because it was his decision, not mine. It's true that we'd been going through a rough patch--the physical distance that separated us and our dual search for new jobs were making it very difficult to remain close. But I just attributed our problems to a normal stage of a relationship that we happened to be passing through; apparently, he did not.
I wish I could say I didn't see it coming, but then I'd be lying to myself. I know exactly when I first felt like something was up--it was all too familiar. We had gone 5 days without talking. Actually, it was more like I went 5 days without a phone call, a text, anything, from him. So naturally, I freaked out. Why hadn't he called me? Why didn't he want to talk to me? I ended up having to beg him to call me, especially after I started thinking that he may have gotten in an accident. I mean, who would have known to call me and let me know he was ok?
When I finally did get in contact with him, he gave me some lame excuse, which I of course accepted. Who knows if it really was the truth. It probably wasn't. He didn't want to bother with me, so he ignored me. I just remember that I was so relived to know he was ok and that he wasn't breaking up with me!
Oh, the insight that I now have. I guess I'm in a sort of reflecting mood right now, since I'm able to write this without feeling sad at all. Putting it down actually makes me feel more like a fool!
I'll just say that more of this behavior ensued in the following weeks, each time with me begging him to call me, and him reassuring me that everything was ok. Until that fateful Monday night 3 weeks ago when he finally told me how he's been really feeling. The ironic thing is that that time, I wasn't worried anything was even wrong, I just wanted to hear from him!
I will never doubt my intuition ever again. That sinking feeling that something just isn't right, it's not me overreacting (well, ok, maybe I might not need to get too worked up). But it's definitely never failed me now.
And...that's really all I feel like talking about it at the moment.
I'm still heartbroken. But I'm now realizing and accepting that maybe he just wasn't the one for me. And I'm super proud of myself for not even having contacted him once since then (well, minus my final words email I sent him the next day--I had to get a few things out that I didn't manage to through all the tears). I'll post that later.
Was being the key word.
I am no longer in that relationship, which lasted just under a year (2 1/2 weeks short, to be exact). Tonight, it will officially have been 21 days since he broke up with me. I say "he broke up with me" because it was his decision, not mine. It's true that we'd been going through a rough patch--the physical distance that separated us and our dual search for new jobs were making it very difficult to remain close. But I just attributed our problems to a normal stage of a relationship that we happened to be passing through; apparently, he did not.
I wish I could say I didn't see it coming, but then I'd be lying to myself. I know exactly when I first felt like something was up--it was all too familiar. We had gone 5 days without talking. Actually, it was more like I went 5 days without a phone call, a text, anything, from him. So naturally, I freaked out. Why hadn't he called me? Why didn't he want to talk to me? I ended up having to beg him to call me, especially after I started thinking that he may have gotten in an accident. I mean, who would have known to call me and let me know he was ok?
When I finally did get in contact with him, he gave me some lame excuse, which I of course accepted. Who knows if it really was the truth. It probably wasn't. He didn't want to bother with me, so he ignored me. I just remember that I was so relived to know he was ok and that he wasn't breaking up with me!
Oh, the insight that I now have. I guess I'm in a sort of reflecting mood right now, since I'm able to write this without feeling sad at all. Putting it down actually makes me feel more like a fool!
I'll just say that more of this behavior ensued in the following weeks, each time with me begging him to call me, and him reassuring me that everything was ok. Until that fateful Monday night 3 weeks ago when he finally told me how he's been really feeling. The ironic thing is that that time, I wasn't worried anything was even wrong, I just wanted to hear from him!
I will never doubt my intuition ever again. That sinking feeling that something just isn't right, it's not me overreacting (well, ok, maybe I might not need to get too worked up). But it's definitely never failed me now.
And...that's really all I feel like talking about it at the moment.
I'm still heartbroken. But I'm now realizing and accepting that maybe he just wasn't the one for me. And I'm super proud of myself for not even having contacted him once since then (well, minus my final words email I sent him the next day--I had to get a few things out that I didn't manage to through all the tears). I'll post that later.
I haven't seen the best that love has to offer
21 days.
21 days since I've talked to you.
21 days since you told me you didn't want me in your life anymore.
21 days of learning to live without you.
21 days that I have NOT contacted you.
21 days that I have realized I am so much better off.
I have made it 21 days.
21 days since I've talked to you.
21 days since you told me you didn't want me in your life anymore.
21 days of learning to live without you.
21 days that I have NOT contacted you.
21 days that I have realized I am so much better off.
I have made it 21 days.
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