You had your chance...you blew it

What a bad week this has been. We had to put Lucy to sleep on Monday. That was the worst. It was so horrible--and incredibly hard--to see her the way she was. And then to watch her die. It still doesn't seem like it's real. I haven't been home again yet, so it hasn't completely hit me. I've been ok all week after Monday. Until today. Another guy turned out to be a complete jerk. Why the hell did he say he wanted to hang out with me, that he didn't want anything serious? Because that's exactly what I want. I'm every guy's dream right now, seriously. No committment. Just want to hang out (and you know...). I'm not looking for a relationship. Well I guess he is, because he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. He was such a jerk at that party. And he calls to apologize yesterday afternoon. Asks me to give him a call later. I call him back, reluctantly (but also later). No answer. So I don't leave a message. Can't take my eyes off my phone. Doesn't call back. So I call back, thinking because I didn't leave a message, so he wouldn't call back. No answer again. This time I leave a message saying I got his message and for him to call me back so we could talk. I think he purposely didn't answer my calls. THEN WHY THE HELL DID HE CALL IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND ASK ME TO CALL HIM BACK????????? It's really bothering me. Especially this evening. I was on the verge of tears--about him, about Lucy, about everything. I'm not in that great of a mood. If he goes online tonight, I'm talking to him and going to ask him straight up what is going on. Because it's pissing me off. And I can't stand not knowing. Even though I know it's probably a bad idea. I don't really care. I need to know.