You should let me love you

I don't know why I do it to myself, but I did it again. I just feel so incredibly stupid. Have I not learned anything from the past? I was pretty high for a short period--but not too high because I knew what reality would most likely bring. And I'm feeling like I'm experiencing that reality right now. The reality that always is the same. Why did I feel like it was something different this time? It's always something different. But not really. I think I sort of convinced myself that this could be a potentially very good thing. Well, right now it certainly doesn't feel that way, and I am doubtful that anything will end up changing. He's just like the rest--they don't want a relationship, I know that. It won't change. He doesn't call. He calls your best friend. But not you. Just like Micah never called me. It's the same with Sam. He could have called me today and asked why I was upset last night. Part of me is glad he didn't, so I didn't have to make up a fake lie that I can't pull off. But then again, why didn't he? I know the answer: he DOESN'T CARE. He doesn't want to care, and he never will. If someone likes you, even if they're not looking for a "relationship," they will call because they want to talk to you. But they never do. And this is nothing different. I don't regret anything, but part of me wishes it hadn't happened. So I don't have to feel this way again. To feel like a complete idiot for ever believing this could be anything more that what I unfortunately have forced myself to come to accept--nothing. I can't waste my time anymore on people who don't feel the same way. There's no point in putting so much time and energy into someone whose feelings won't change. I've wasted too much time in the past, and I won't let myself do the same with him. My intuition was saying that there's something here that could work, but it's been wrong before. I feel like he did like me, and maybe that's part of why I've done what I did. But I think I was wrong. So much for (in his words) "lucky number 7."