Just hold on, hold on to me

I never ask for much. All I want is for someone to care. To show me that they care. I guess I just pick the wrong people. I didn't care about doing anything for New Year's. It's not about what I'd do--it was more about who I wanted to be with. And I won't be with that person. I'm sad. I am, and I don't care if mom gets mad at me for feeling like this. Of course it's a big deal to me. I don't have any fucking friends. Here I was, thinking that maybe I'd have a new year's kiss for once. But he doesn't realize that it isn't about what the plans are--it's just that I wanted to see him. To spend time with him. The stupid break had to pull us apart. Thought it might have been a good thing. But it's just complete torture. I fall for him more and more everytime I talk to him. He's all I think about. And it doesn't matter if I go somewhere else. All I'd be doing is thinking about him, and how I wish I was with him. I hate my life. I'm going no where. I don't have anything to look forward to. I'm stuck. Stuck in this horrible place that I can't get out of because I don't know where to go to change it. I've wasted two whole days doing absolutely nothing. Not because I wanted to, and not because I could. But because I had absolutely NOTHING to do. I have no cause, no purpose, no passion. I hate it when people ask me what I like to do, or what I do in my spare time, because I don't have a fucking clue. I don't do ANYTHING. I go to work, go to the gym, come home, get back on the fucking computer where I've been all day, or watch tv. Boring. God I don't even know why or how he's still wanting to talk to me or to see me. He's said how he loses interest so easily. I wonder how in the hell I'm keeping him interested. Because I'm so incredibly boring. I am. I really, really am. No wonder why I don't have any friends. And no one ever wants to be around me. I hate myself. And everything about me. I'm so alone.