Just tell me which way you like it...

To go to happy hour, or not to go to happy hour. That is the question today. I've been sick all week, so I haven't done much except be at work. And that's the problem. I haven't been able to workout, which is driving me crazy. Well, sort of. It's also my fault in that I could have done an easy walk/jog last night, but I ended up taking a nap, and when I woke up, I didn't want to work out anymore. My excuse was that I needed to give my body one more day of rest. Whether that was true or if I was trying to justify not working out remains to be seen. I don't know what it is about me these days. I just don't have as much energy or time to work out like I used to, and when I do, I sometimes just choose not to. And now I'm hating the fact that I've gained a few pounds and don't like the way I feel. I look at myself and say how I'm fat (of course I'm really not, but there's a difference that probably only I can see from about 1-2 months ago). I say I'm going to work out that day, but then something comes up and I don't, and I feel bad about it. The main reason why I don't want to go to happy hour is that I want to work out. I need to workout, for my health and my sanity. But the other part of me says screw that, I want to go to happy hour. But the sane me knows I don't need to drink and should workout, because the second I start drinking at happy hour I will hate myself for doing it. I'll feel bad, and start telling myself how this isn't helping and how I need to get my body back. It's just so frustrating to feel this way. Another problem with the drinking has been the eating while intoxicated...you don't always make the best choices. Like on Monday, I ate something that I would NEVER eat normally, but only did because I was starving and would have passed out if I didn't eat. But I regret it soooo much. All I could think about was how many calories was in that stuff (it was french fries with cheese and bacon and other stuff...granted, it was pretty damn good, but still...). Food is just such an issue for me. I've eaten normally all week. But still, I'm trying to eat a little less and watch portions so I can get back on track. Like I won't eat a 90-100 calorie whole wheat roll because I want to save those calories. Sad, I know. It's also a big deal when I eat and what I eat. I just hate this. It never used to be like this. I know when I started, I really controlled what I ate, but it was different. Now I just get mad at myself. I have to justify it if I do eat something "forbidden" or a little more of something. I don't think I'm gonna go so I can save up for the football game tomorrow, but we'll see. It's such a hard decision!