I wrote this last night...

So, I read this article today in Time magazine while waiting at the dentist today (I was in pain from having my wisdom tooth out--just one, and it was pretty much unbearable) about how teenage boys are not only about sex as everyone believes and have feelings and want to fall in love, etc. just as much as girls. Ok, so I guess it sounds somewhat credible, if only applied to teens. I could be wrong, because it seems like it's been so long since high school and being a teenager (at least 4 years!). But then I got to thinking about guys in college, and how everything in that article could not apply to the majority of guys. College guys want one thing, and one thing only: and it's NOT a relationship. Don't get me wrong, there are exceptions to every rule, and of course not every guy is like this. But there seems to be a trend among the guys I meet and hang out with that seems pretty typical of the college scene--and I'm going on 5 years. Maybe I just have bad luck. Or bad timing. But the guys that I come across either just want a hookup, or have just broken up with serious girlfriends and want to be single. Or they just want "to have fun." Hey, I'm all about having fun, too. To a point. I've had my fun. Lots of it. Along with lots of nights spent crying over stupid guys who never deserved my tears. And it gets old. Really, really, really old. I'm at a point where I just feel like giving up. Like I'm never going to find anyone. Believe me, I'm not looking for marraige--far from it. All I want is for someone to simply give me a chance. To get to know them, and for them to get to know me. I don't ask for a lot, and I never have. I just want someone who cares, who is crazy about me, or at least so excited to have met me that they want to keep getting to know me. None of this making-out drunk and going home together (not that anything necessarily happens). Yeah, it's fun. For that night. And then comes the "what if?" excitement from meeting someone new, the possibility that it brings. And then reality hits--he never calls, or you do end up seeing him out and he's not interested anymore. Been there, done that. Countless number of times. And I'm done with it. Done. It's simply not satisfying. I deserve more than to let myself be used. I know I always say that I never will again after every guy, and I promise myself I won't fall for it again...it's hard to learn. It's hard to not give in to that feeling, that want, that maybe. But just maybe I can do it this time. And maybe I just will. Or, maybe I won't even have to.