Like the time that we kissed and you gave me a lie

He didn't call me today. In a moment of weakness, I ended up calling him, but it went straight to voicemail and didn't ring. So I don't think he knows that I called. Then I tried again a little while later. Same thing. I feel so stupid. For calling. For thinking that he'd answer. But also on a much larger scale. For actually thinking I might have a chance for once. That someone would actually stick around. But the truth is, I never believed it would happen right from the start. That's why I was so cautious with everything--partly because I was trying to do things differently, and because I was protecting myself from getting hurt. So much for that. He reassured me that it was ok. That I could call and he wouldn't mind. That he wanted me to be me, and not act any differently. He said he'd never hurt me like all the others. I knew he couldn't really keep that promise, because it's not a fair one. So I never really took it to heart. But the fact that he said he didn't want to, well I thought that meant something. I thought he cared about me. But something changed towards me in him. I have no idea what it was. I was told he was absolutely crazy about me, that I didn't have to worry. Mom said that maybe he's scared. I just don't know why he was leading me on. Ania talked to his best friend, and he said he's not the kind to lead a girl on, and that he seemed to like me. So what is up then? Why doesn't he want to spend time with me? Obviously it's not about sex. At least he's not using me for that, because if he was, he'd want to be seeing me just for that reason. I'm trying so hard to pick up that phone and dial his number. At the same time, I keep listening for it to ring, for his name to show up on the screen. I hope for it so much, but I know it's never going to happen. He won't call. And if by some chance he does, it won't be because he actually wants to hang out. I feel so alone and unwanted. Another guy who doesn't want to get to know me. And I thought this one just might have. I just can't take it anymore. I'll never be able to trust anyone. It's going to take a lot for me to believe that the next one actually cares and likes me. This one hasn't, and although it hurts like hell to admit it, he won't.