If you only knew all the things that float through my mind

Guess what...I'm starting to do it again. And no, it's a very bad thing. I'm letting my insecurity creep up and start to freak me out, putting doubts and pointless worries into my head. Why do I always do this? Oh, could it be the fact that I never feel secure about my standing with a guy at this point? That I always feel like it's going to end? I overanalyze things way too much. When there's nothing even to analyze because there's absolutely no reason to!! He hasn't given me a reason to think he doesn't want to see me again. And he's proving that he does, by calling me and already setting a weekend aside for me to come back up. That's the farthest into the future I've ever been able to look into with a guy--over 2 weeks! I think I'm also so scared that he's going to cancel on me and say I won't be able to come visit then. Ok, I'm completely freaked out about that possibility. Because if that happens, then it's probably over. It'd be his way of saying that it's not going to work out, that I don't want to see you again. But, this is all make-believe that I've conjured up in my crazy mind because I just can't accept the fact that he may actually like me. I mean, I know he does like me, because otherwise we wouldn't have gone on a date and I wouldn't have visited for New Year's. But I'm talking about him liking me and sticking around. Which is something I know nothing about, and it scares me to death, as well as completely excites me. It's my insecurity and jealousy, though, that will be the end to it if I keep letting it slowly take over. I can't do that to myself. I don't need to. I need to remember how amazing I am and how incredibly lucky this guy is to even have ME wanting to see him! I mean, he's the one who should be worried, that some other guy may come along and sweep me off my feet. That's how I can't act--desperate. I'm not trying to play games. But I can't start acting like I'm his girlfriend yet, because I'm not. That will definitely send him running. I just have to keep reminding myself to take things slow, not to read too much into things. I've got 11 days to go. God, please let those days pass by fast!!