but it gets so lonely being on my own

I'm watching Real Time with Bill Mahr on HBO. I think it's a great show and I'm really glad that it's got a new season. I really liked watching it during the election season. So yes. I am home on a Friday night. So what's new? I was thinking about going to my brother's lacrosse game tonight, but I decided that I didn't want to go out into the cold and I needed to work on a paper that's due the DAY AFTER spring break. Plus, I have 3 midterms at the end of next week. Not to mention I've gotta pack and stuff for the beach. Why do teachers expect your life to revolve around their class? I mean, hello...we have other things to do...like other classes that are just as intense as their's...and some of us want to have a life and not be doing school work all the time. I'm actually following through on my goal of not studying so much this semester. Of course, it helped being distracted by a certain someone...who has broken my heart this week. I don't know what happened. Things seemed to be going so well. He definitely led me on. And he didn't even have the guts to tell me it was over. He took the easy and cowardly way out of it by not returning my calls. What a jerk. This is definitely a change from what I've been feeling all day...my sadness has turned into anger. But it still hurts. Yesterday I did very well...not thinking about him and thinking positively about myself. But today, I don't know...I think it had something to do with the weather--it was a very dreary day...it may have also been due to the fact that I kept thinking about him and our time together. Ok, so I know we were just dating and it wasn't for but over a month, but still...we had some good nights and as I got to know him more, the more I started to like him. And I thought he really liked me, too. I guess not. Unless I'm completely making something out of nothing (which is the hope deep down inside of me that wants to hang on), but I'm afraid it's most likely not the case. I just knew it was too good to be true, because things like this don't happen to me. I mean, I figured it wouldn't last forever, but I thought it'd last at least a little longer than it did. I was sooooo happy. I haven't felt that way in, well, what seems like forever. It felt like this dream of mine had come true. It was all I'd wanted for soooo long. And it went away in the blink of an eye. Or more like an unreturned phone call. I just keep waiting and waiting...that maybe he'll call...but it's stupid and useless to think that...but I can't help it. I'm not going to be a slave to my cell phone anymore...I've been attached to that thing like glue the past few weeks. It's ridiculous. But he is just sooooo cute......I'm hopeless. When I fall, I fall...maybe a little too hard. Maybe that was it. I probably got too serious for him, even when I didn't mean to. Because I didn't. When I saw the movie Hitch last week, I thought I was watching myself in the scene where they show Will Smith's character in college, making up for lost time for getting into the dating game late. I wasn't anywhere near being in love, but I guess I was just too eager and I didn't see it. I just want that feeling back again. And who knows when it will ever come back, because it took me long enough to get here, and it only left me with some memories and a broken heart.