Let's go back, back to the beginning...

So I'm finding it very, very hard to concentrate and study these days. Could it be because I'm starting not to care so much? Possibly. Senioritis? A little bit. I don't know what it is, but you could NEVER get me to sit down and study like I used to, just a year ago even it. Not gonna happen! That's good and bad in its own ways. Good in that I'm not spending my life studying like a maniac for no reason anymore, but bad in that I still need to study. But whatever, I've been studying enough for this test tomorrow since last week, doing a little almost everyday. I'll do however I do. I cried at the end of Smallville tonight. Yeah, I'm a huge dork, and it wasn't exactly something that would make you cry, but I did. Clark and Lana were finally going to have sex with each other, and just the way they alluded up to it was just everything that I wish I had. I really can't distinguish whether I regret it or not anymore. Sometimes I really still wished I'd waited. Then at others, I was living in the moment, and at the time it was right. The whole time I was watching it, I thought of Skip. Why? Because he's the one who I've been the most intimate with, going beyond actual sex. That last time...the connection I felt was just too strong, too much to handle. I wasn't supposed to feel that way in that situation. But there's nothing I could--or still can--do to change his mind. Nor is it worth my time or energy to keep trying. I haven't heard from him in I guess 2 weeks now--not since I saw him at AJ's 2 Friday's ago. And he hasn't called me, so I'm definitely not going to bother. I've actually been doing quite well, and I've adjusted much better than I have with any other guy. Or have I really? Am I just pretending? No, I don't think I am. Yes, I put so much of myself into him, and he brought out a side of me I never knew I had, but I honestly am ok. What happened, happened. And all I can do is savor the memories. I'm not going to let this one get me down. I don't need him, nor do I need any other guy to get by. I'm doing just fine on my own, thankyouverymuch. I won't be by myself forever, despite what it may feel like. I'm just not going to put up with this kind of crap I have been putting up with from guys. I'll find someone who will treat me like the princess I am!