Thought you were something different...that's when it all just fell apart

I am missing out on so much. On Everything. I am watching my life pass me by. I wish I could say that I could look back and have no regrets, but I do. I have so many. And not all by choice. Like tonight...I just wanted to go out, have some fun. But like everytime I want to do this, it doesn't happen. I can't get in contact with anyone, or no one's going out, or I only have 1 person to call. Today, it's the first scenario. And tomorrow I'm going to see facebook pictures or wall posts of everyone's night out tonight and how they had so much fun. While I look on, jealous. Yes, I am jealous. Why? Because they all have friends. People who want to be around them. I have neither. This was supposed to be THE semester...the one that made up for all my missed opportunities of the past. Where I could really live it up. But I guess my expectations are just too high or unrealistic. I've barely been out this year. I will say that the last 3 times I have been out, I've had so much fun and it's been exactly what I've been wanting, but that's only 3 times out of 8. Yes, 8. I counted out everytime I went out. In 2 months. Not exactly what I had planned. But I also didn't plan on losing my so-called best friend, either. I just wish I was one of those girls. Those girls that I constantly see with friends. Always having something to do. Someone to do something with. Someone who wants to do something with them. And I'm not talking about being popular. It's not that. It's just people with friends. And they're everywhere. And I am sooo jealous that I do not have that. I want that so incredibly much. I've cried more than I ever should have this year. And I'm still crying. And hurting inside. It's more than just hurt. It's a pain. A longing for something more. Something much more. I'm trying. I'm honestly trying. I'm just apparently one of those people that's just destined to never have any friends. Two or three of them. That's all I want. It's the worst feeling in the world to feel like you're not wanted by anyone. That people don't think about you. They forget about you. They don't care about you. Where can I find someone who DOES care? Who DOES want to call me, without me having to always call them first? It's so hard when everyone already has their group of friends or their own best friend. How are you supposed to break through? If you want to know what lonely looks like, just look into my eyes and you'll see it.