But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles

Memories flooded my mind this evening as I was studying. They just came and washed all my concentration way. First, I smiled as I thought about how wonderful it was to kiss him, to hear the sound of his voice, to see the sight of his face, to feel his arms wrapped around me...but then I thought about the little things that I liked about him, the things that really mattered...and I shed a tear...but I didn't cry. I won't. Never again over him. This heart of mine will be unbroken no more. Slowly, I will mend it, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day...and I will be whole again. But really, I never will. A piece remains missing every time you place your heart in the hands of someone you care about. It's just the risk you take. You trust that person to treat it gently, to treat it as if it were their own...but it doesn't always work out that way, and it becomes damaged in the process. A small or large piece--depending on how much you gave up--is lost forever with that person. And you only hope that they lost part of their heart when they gave up you. I didn't expect to be feeling like this again. I've stumbled backwards, and I'm desperately tried to make it back to where I had been. I was much better before. I was almost at the point where I was completely over him. But that day...and the series of days since then...everything's come rushing back like a raging river. Especially these past few days. Because I know it's about to be truly over--more so than it is now. And it's about time I start acting like it.