Doesn't matter what you do, it's what you did that's hurting you

I've forgotten how much I liked Kelly Clarkson's cd, Breakaway. I'd been meaning to listen to it again for a while, but just never got around to it. But today I popped it in my car stereo on the way home, and realized how much the majority of the songs just speak to me and describe things in my life. And it's just a really good cd overall. Anyways, Friday night was RJ's going away party, which was so much fun...probably a little too much fun! I definitely had way too much to drink, and I feel like I probably made a fool out of myself in front of Adam's roommates (who were all there). I have a feeling that it will be getting back to him. But I really don't care. I had fun, and he's no longer a part of my life because he didn't want to be. I don't WANT him to be. I want to have a party of my own. I really, really want to. It wasn't anything big, just people hanging out and watching movies and drinking. But at mine, there's definitely going to be dancing! And lots of it!! Because there's nothing more that I like to do when I'm drunk than dance!!! I thought I was doing pretty good energy-wise today, but so much for that. I went home again, like yesterday, to help mom with Graham's room. I basically sorted some papers, and fell asleep on his bed with one of the kittens (Kumba) and Lucy. And I didn't think I'd be able to work out after that, but I wanted to so bad. When I got home, I decided to take a walk. Well, it ended up being a walk/run, and we'll see how I'll be feeling tomorrow. That's the one thing that I've hated the most about having mono--not being able to workout. Sure, some people would scoff at me and be like, big deal...But it's been such an important thing in my life for the past 2 1/2 years, and it's gotten me through so much, not to mention into the best shape of my entire life. And not being able to workout is definitely showing it's effects on me. To anyone else, it's nothing major, but to me, it's a big deal. It's really bringing me down. I want my energy back! I know I'll be able to get back to normal once I start working out rigorously everyday like I used to, but in the meantime, I'm not happy with my body. I was so proud of what I'd been able to achieve, and within 2 months, I've lost what I worked so hard for. A minor factor is the alcohol intake, but last semester I was still working out. And now I barely am. It was the one thing I'd always look forward to, seriously. And I miss it so much. It made me feel so good about myself. I need to call about the treadmill tomorrow. Hopefully I'll actually do it.