I don't know where you're going and I don't know why

So after all that drama last night, he calls me. AGAIN. This time he was sober, and he apologized for calling me last night like that. He said he was belligerant (he loves that word--is always using it). He didn't mean to upset me. Get this: he asked me how my love life was! Excuse me, but it's none of your business! I asked him why he wanted to know; he said he just did. So I said it wasn't, meaning I wasn't dating anyone. He was probably thrilled to hear that. I should have lied to him and said I was dating someone. Well, I actually could have told a little fib by saying that there was a guy I was interested in (Joe!). But I'm not clever enough to think of those kind of things at the opportune moment. It's a gift to those who can. I'm witty, but only on certain occassions. But overall the conversation was very polite and cordial. I told him I appreciated him calling and apologizing. Which is true, because I didn't think that he would. I wondered if he would call me when he wasn't drunk, and he did, but it was only to apologize. That's fine. I'm glad he didn't go all "I miss you I want to see you" on me again, because I didn't want to have to hurt him. And be put in that situation again. He says it won't happen again (the belligerent drunk phone calls). We'll see if that holds, only time will tell. I just can't believe that he told me again that he hoped I didn't do anything stupid. Umm, sorry, but so what if I had done some crazy stuff? I have every right to. And it shouldn't be any concern of him. Except that I bet he would be insanely jealous--that's probably why he said that. I can do whatever I want with whomever I want, and no guy--especially him--can tell me what to do. It's so egotistical for him to even think that--like he was THAT important to me. Yeah, I liked you, but no, I would never KILL MYSELF over you (nor any guy, EVER--there's always someone else out there, especially since I'm really young). And if the breakup somehow caused me to go a little wild, so be it. I'm no longer obligated to him. He broke that agreement, which is why I'm in this situation in the first place. "It just took him a while to realize it." Whatever. A phone call over a month would've been nice. I think I honestly miss the idea of him more than Chris himself. Maybe I was settling afterall without realizing it. I liked so much having someone there for me that I wasn't really listening to my heart. I don't want to settle. I should never settle. I want to feel the same way about him as he feels about me. And it was lop-sided in this case. Him being the one who had greater feelings for me. And I was the one who was confused and unsure. But it's all over now and I'm not going back to him. I resisted him this time--which I'm very proud of--and I will not give in if it happens again in the future. I'm absolutely exhausted. I wore myself out big-time today.