I wanna be your lover, but baby you can't behave

This is the second time I'm writing this because as I was writing the first time, my program froze, and I was unable to save it unfortunately. But at least it wasn't much. Anyways, I am at home, spending the first night in what must be forever at my parents' house. It's the day before Christmas eve, and I just decided to go home a day early. Why not? It's weird because I'm not sleeping in my old room; I'm in my sister's old room. My grandma's in mine, and Allison will end up sleeping somewhere around here tomorrow night and Christmas night. My excuse is that I've got to keep Chloe company. Hopefully she won't keep me up all night. She's been hiding under the bed since I brought here over here. She's not a happy kitty right now.

I was thinking earlier on the way home from the mall--yes, I went to the mall briefly this evening with my mom and grandma because she wanted to look for something...not a fun trip because she wanted to get my cousin Jennifer some clothes item for Christmas, and she has no idea what or how to pick out clothes for anyone, and it was just soooo frustrating--how I've never really seen a guy in love before. I'm beginning to wonder if they even fall in love, or experience anything like we girls do. Yeah, there are a million songs that guys sing about being in love and heartbreak. But I've never been around one. At least I can't think of anyone. Have I become that skeptical?? Maybe I have. Or it's just the guys that I've been around. I don't even know what my point is anymore, just that my confidence in guys and dating and love is just extremely low right now. I need someone to prove me wrong. Prove all of my skeptism wrong, show me that I'm wrong. And this is one thing I wouldn't be mad about being wrong about. I want to be wrong. I don't want to be right this time. I've been right so far for too long. It's time to break the cycle.

Wow. It's weird being in my sister's room right now. I've hooked my laptop up to her speakers and am listening to some new music that I downloaded last night. And just thinking. That's what I do a lot of lately. There's so much to think about, though. Way too much because it's been hindering my ability to fall asleep. The voices just won't stop. One thought leads to another and another and another. And it just won't end. Eventually it does, only to start right back up once I wake up.