I'll belong to you if you just let me through

Back from Orlando. And I'm sick :( Helped Ania take her stuff back home and hung out for a few days. I really wish I could've stayed longer, except I feel like crap. But I'll be going down soon enough. Maybe even next week. I saw Adam Friday. It was an amazing night. I'm not going to write about it on here. Let's just say we went further than we have before, but not too far. I'm so glad I got this last night with him. It felt so good to be in his arms again, to kiss him. I was really unsure if I shouldv'e seen him, but I feel good about it now. I'm glad I went. I'm glad Ania called him without me knowing it. I'm glad he actually invited me over himself when I talked to him. I'm happy he wanted to see me. Even if I don't see him again. Which I knew was a very big possibility before I went over there. I knew what might happen. And I knew the consequences. I was very confused and upset after he took me home, but as I talked to Ania about it and the day went on, I felt more comfortable with my decision. I'm actually not sad. Do I miss him? Yes. But I'm not sad. I care about him and like him so much, but I'm really ok. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I can't blame anyone but myself for my actions. But I don't blame myself. You know what made me so happy? To see my poster I made him up on his bedroom wall. It just made my day, knowing that every time he looks at it, he thinks of me. How could he not?! And he notices what I had on in my facebook picture, because the first the he says to me when I walked into his apartment on Friday was "that looks like the shirt you have on in your facebook picture" (it wasn't the same, but I guess he looks at my page a lot!) So that is really sweet and nice to know. He was so disappointed when I told him I wouldn't be here this weekend, and he kept asking me when I was getting back. But I think he's home now. I called him yesterday afternoon. I was dying to call him. I had to literally force myself not to...but I ended up giving in. He didn't answer. But I expected that. And I wasn't sad, it felt good to just have tried at least. I may be a little disappointed about him not calling me back, but it's ok. I sent him a facebook message this evening, just telling him I was back, not feeling good, glad I got to see him on Friday, won't call him anymore unless he wants me to. Because I won't. But I want to. But it's not going to happen this time. I'm not like I was before. I'm in a place at the moment where I'm content with the whole experience with him. I've learned a lot. About guys. About relationships. And especially about myself. I can honestly say now that I'm so glad I met him. And no matter how much hurt and pain that I've put myself through, it was worth it. To at least have had it for once. And I'm on to find it from someone who really wants me. But it's still not over with him yet. Or is it?