you don't see me, you don't feel me like I feel you...

I was going through some stuff tonight that I had saved from various things (it's something that I do) and I came across some things. First it was the ticket stub from the movie we saw together on our first date. Then it was the note I wrote myself on the night I first met him. When I got home, I wrote his name down on a piece of paper so I wouldn't forget it. I was so excited that night. I couldn't fall asleep for over 2 hours. I couldn't believe that I had met such a cute guy who was interested in me! And he wanted to date me. Well, the honeymoon phase didn't last long. It never seems to. Reality sets in and suddenly he doesn't want to hang out with you anymore and he stops calling as often, then not at all. A heart is slowly being shattered with every rejection...and then it completely breaks. You're down for a while. Heartbreak is never easy. But gradually the pieces are filled in and replaced with the memories you shared and the promise of someone new. And when you feel like you're finally going to be okay, you've finally been able to make peace and move on, he shows up again. Every emotion you had for him floods back to the surface. Your heart is vulnerable once again. And you know you shouldn't. It's not right. He's just going to break your heart again. But you can't resist. You remember everything that made you fall for him in the first place, and want to give him another chance. Because maybe he's changed. Just maybe. The possibility of it...you just long for it. But here you are once again. Right back where you started. Everything that happened before...it's like deja-vu. You don't want to believe it. You want to make it work. But everytime, you can feel your heart being torn apart...again. Same guy. Same reasons. You should've known. You did know. But you chose to ignore it. Nothing had changed. He was still the same. And nothing was going to be different after all. He just didn't want it as much as you did. You finally realize there's no hope. No point in chasing after him anymore. It's only wasting precious time...time that should be spent on yourself and your life, not him. It hurts so much. Acknowledging that he doesn't want you like you want him. But it's not fair. Not to him, and especially not to yourself. Little by little, your hold on him begins to weaken--it's only for the best. It's a battle back and forth between your heart and your head--your head knows it's over and time to move on, but your heart wants to remain attached, glued to the possibilities of what just might happen. That's all it is, though: a possibility. No promise. No guarantee. Only wishful thinking. And you're way better than that. So much better than a guy who only makes you happy when he feels like it. It's finally time to move on. No matter how much you don't want to, no matter how much it hurts. It's not worth it anymore. He's so not worth it anymore. Day by day, you move a little further away. Eventually you will be completely free from his grasp. He won't ever be completely gone--he'll always be there in your memories and in your heart. And that's exactly where he belongs.