then I realize it's just what might have been

Went out last night with Amanda and some of her friends. It was fun just hanging out with an old friend and some new people. Definitely going to be going out with them a lot this summer. I had 4 shots of 100 proof vodka before we went out. Did not know it was so strong until after I took the 4th shot. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed it was just the regular old stuff I'm used to. Guess they like it strong! So I was in my own little world the whole night. I don't know how I survived. But that was all I had--it was all I needed! Called Allison at 3 am to have her come pick me up...she was NOT happy about that at all. But I've never called her before and I didn't want to stay at this girl's house overnight (a friend of my friend's). And she's always said that I could call her if I ever needed her. But it's ok today. She was just mad I woke her up in the middle of the night. I'd probably react the same way. I was so incredibly close to either calling or facebooking Adam last night. I got past the calling urge, but I wanted to send him a message on facebook so bad. I was about to do it, too, but I was able to restrain myself. How, I have no idea because I was really drunk. Not wasted, but not thinking and acting like normal! So I sent a stupid drunk email to Matt instead. He probably thinks I'm so dumb and annoying and is like, leave me alone! I just asked him when he was coming home and that I wanted to see him. Yeah...I sent him an apology message today, asking him to ignore the one I sent last night. Don't know if he's seen them yet. He probably thinks I'm a stalker or something. But something's different with him. I feel like I can tell him almost anything. Not that I have, but there's this comfort level that I feel with him that I didn't feel with Adam. Maybe it's because I've known him forever and we're friends. I don't know. OMG! I was going through some stuff earlier today and I found one of those horoscope booklets I'd saved from some issue of a magazine last fall (I still read the teen stuff...it's sad I know). The part about my love life was so erily true! It said that during the fall things would be slow, and nothing would really happen. But then in January,