you've got looks, you've wits, you've got passion

Sooooo tired....yet, don't want to fall asleep. Why? Not sure...so I can waste more time on the Internet?! I needed a night in tonight. No way I was up for going out. The thought of alcohol is making me sick at the moment--well, all day actually. And not in the mood to go out. Still a little weirded out by last night. And besides, no one's in town this weekend, so there's no one out...which it's very boring when there's nothing to do or nowhere to go. Did absolutely NOTHING today, except for lying around in my bed watching my tv shows from the past 2 weeks that I've taped. Didn't even get out of my pajamas until late this afternoon when I decided to finally work out. But it's not like I had anything to do anyways. I feel sick again. Run down and I'm all congested. Not fun. I'm an idiot for writing him earlier this week. Why did I do it? I was desperate. I needed some sort of answer. Needed a sense of closure. An idea of what the hell is going on with us. None of which have been answered. No surprise there. But it was more for myself, just to let him know how I felt. Why do I always feel like I have to be honest with people about my feelings? Especially with him? With most people, I have no problem...but with him, I've gotta tell him everything. Maybe it's because I'm afraid if I don't, he won't know. And I think I want him to understand how I feel. So maybe things will change. But things won't change. Not with this guy. There's no way I could ever--at least not in the forseeable future--be just friends with him. Because I don't feel that way about him. I don't want to be friends.