It's the way that he makes you feel...

Why do I even bother??? I had this crazy idea earlier today that I'd see if Skip wanted to hang out tonight. I thought, why not ask? What's the worst that could happen--that he'd say no? I mean, you never know until you try. So I did it. Once again, probably against my better judgment, since it always just goes out the door with him. But I was curious. He responded first of all by asking what I wanted to do. So I said that I was thinking something low-key, like a watching a movie. He replied that it "sounds fun but I have to work until 9." ????? What's the answer? Is it a yes? No? Maybe so?? So I responded one last time that "that's ok, so is that a no?" And I never got an answer back. I guess that's my answer. I mean, I could have interpreted it wrong...he may have been saying that it sounds fun, but he has to work until 9, so we'd have to do something after that time. But it can also mean, sounds fun, but I have to work, maybe some other time. Know what I mean? AHHHHHHH!!! So I'm debating whether I should call him or not....NO! DON'T DO IT. THAT'D BE SOOO STUPID. It's 9:45, he's not at work anymore, and if he wanted to hang out, he'd call me. Right? SO DON'T DO IT. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE AND SANITY. BUT I WANT TO SOOO BAD. What if it's some huge misunderstanding now? What if he thought I was going to call him, and was waiting for me, like I'm waiting for him to call me? It's possible! Ok, it's most likely not probable. But WHAT IF??? That "what if" gets me everytime. What if this, what if that....it can drive a person insane considering a million different possibilities. BE STRONG. BE STRONG. I CAN DO IT. I KNOW I CAN. I feel myself getting weaker and weaker. My phone's just a few feet away...stupid phones and stupid waiting for guys to call. I hate it!!! But he's soooo cute....and I want to see him sooo bad...PLEASE CALL SO THIS MADNESS WILL END ALREADY!!!! But that is just wishful thinking. Why is it that what I want never matters? It's always about the guy, what he wants, when he wants it. Where are the guys who are gonna care about me and what I want? AND WHY THE HELL DO I GET SO STUCK ON THESE JERKS???????????????? I've got a problem. I want him even more right now because Ania's got a new boyfriend, and I feel left out. As if enough stuff hasn't already gotten between us this year, now there's a guy she'll always be spending time with. Yes, I admit I am a little jealous. I am happy for her, I really am. But why can't that be me, too? And how desperate will I look if I call him right now? SHAKE IT OFF, SHAKE IT OFF. YOU DON'T WANNA DO IT. IT'S BETTER OFF THIS WAY. It's exactly like the lyrics to this song: "That's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head." How much do you want to bet that I will end up calling him at some point tonight???