pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about

So I ended up not going out last night. But it's no big deal, because it was probably the better choice to stay in. Meredith and I were going to, but then she decided that she didn't want to, which I'm kinda glad because I was pretty tired as the night wore on anyways. Martin stopped by to say hi, and we visited for a bit. It was good to see him. He's such a great guy-- I wish there were more like him out there. I know there are, but I haven't found really come across them. Sorry, there is no attraction with him whatsoever...just a good guy friend, which I don't have many of those! I ate with Ania at her sorority house last night. It was nice. Not really much else to say about it. Kinda strange being there, but the girls were really nice. So that guy she was seeing turned out just like all the rest. We can't keep doing this to ourselves; it's just not working and it's only making us miserable. We deserve only the best, not these mediocre guys we become stuck on. Because I don't care about all the stereotypes there are out there about guys and how they don't do this or that because they're guys--if they're really crazy about a girl, they WILL call. And you won't have to remind them to. They WILL WANT to call you all the time, and spend time with you. And sex will NOT have to come first. I don't want to sleep with anymore guys the first night I meet them. Because that's exactly what I've done everytime, with the exception of Adam. It doesn't work; it doesn't make them like you. It only makes you feel bad about yourself and hate yourself. And this includes Skip. I can't keep doing what I've been doing with him anymore; after that last time, I fell. And I fell hard. I realized how much I wanted more than this. I want to really get to know him. I want to spend time with him, other than when we're drunk and not just to hookup. I still want to see him, but not to hookup. I'm not calling him anymore, not going to waste my time on him. I know what he wants, or what he doesn't want, and it's not fair to him, or especially to me. I can't keep trying to make something out of nothing. He's not going to change, and I definitely am not going to be able to change him. Yeah, I thought that maybe if he keeps seeing me, he'll realize that he wants to be with me, and only me, and would want me to be his girlfriend. But let's face it: IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. And I can't make it happen. I want to be friends; I don't want him to disappear from my life. But I just can't do it anymore. Just laying there in his arms, him holding me tightly and pressed up against his body...it was sooooo wonderful. And what we have is absolutely amazing. But it's not enough. I'm not the kind of girl that can just hookup with a guy and not develop feelings for him. I've had feelings for Skip since the night we met. I tried to deny those feelings, or at least keep them in check when I've been around (and not been around him) and to try and convince him that it's nothing serious. But the truth is, I WANT SOMETHING SERIOUS. And this just doesn't cut it anymore. I feel like I'm missing something...I'm missing out on a whole step. A whole person, who I know is a great guy. And I want him to get to know me. I have no doubt that he likes me; but beyond that, he doesn't want more. AND I DO. So I'm going to start listening to what I want, and put that first. Because if the guy doesn't share the same intentions, then why should I bother on someone who will only end up hurting me in the end??