Cause I never, never, never, never, never, never...met you

Stupid boys. Never can trust them. Chris just bailed on me for tonight, and I'm really upset right now. Not just because we're not going out, but because he doesn't want to see me. He's too tired and is going to bed. He better fucking be going to sleep right now, or he's gonna get it. I'm going to tell him exactly how it made me feel, because he should have been more considerate. We made plans last night. He was like, we're definitely going to see each other tonight. But no...here come the broken promises. I'm scared that this is the beginning of the end...this is how it starts out. You start to not see each other for a few days, and it keeps continuing...I really hope that's not the case. He said there's definitely going to be tomorrow, and that it will be even better because we haven't seen each other all week. But fuck that. I've been looking forward to seeing him ALL DAY LONG. ALL DAY. I've done absolutely nothing but wait around for him. Just so I could finally see him. And he wanted to earlier. And he was excited, too. He should have told me earlier that he didn't want to go out--BEFORE I got all dressed up and ready to go out. I looked SO PRETTY tonight. I bought a new top yesterday that I just love, and I looked to damn amazing. Would I still be crying had I not gotten all made up before he told me? Maybe, maybe not. But at least I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up and been waiting around to go out with him tonight. And tomorrow will be another long, long day filled with nothing. And I'll have to wait until freaking 11pm to see him. He just really hurt me tonight. I was so excited. I planned to just give him a big kiss and hug when I saw him. But that won't happen. It'll have to wait until tomorrow. And I'll have to wait for what will seem like forever. I hate when people do this to me. Disappointment is one of the things that really gets me down. Especially when they've given you their word and have made plans to do something with you. So, feeling desperate and alone, I called Matt. And feel like a complete idiot. First of all, he didn't even know it was me calling. He thought it was another Mallory (probably Mallory Tucker). I was just calling to see what he was up to tonight, which is nothing, but he's going out of town tomorrow, so he's not doing anything. If only I was on his side of town right now, because he asked me if I was on FSU's side of town. But oh well. I'm not sure if I really want to be around anyone right now. I just feel really disappointed and sad that I'm not going to get to see Chris. I told him to take a short nap, and he said he'd try, but before he said bye, he said he'd talk to me tomorrow...so I don't think that will happen. But then again, just in case, I don't want to take off my makeup or anything in the instance that he decides to change his mind. Because I'd be pissed then...but I'm pissed either way, because now with the possibility of still maybe going out, I'm going to be staying up waiting for him to call me. I'm an idiot. Here I am...again...waiting for a dumb boy. I swore to myself that I wouldn't do this anymore. But I can't help it. He's my boyfriend...and apparently, my feeling for him are stronger than I thought, or I wouldn't be feeling this way. I just feel extremely hurt that he didn't want to see me. And because it's all I've been planning on doing today. And because it was even better that he didn't have to work. But no, he doesn't want to spend time with me. He didn't even ask me to come over and stay with him. Even if he was going straight to bed. Maybe I could've gone to sleep now, too, But no, he didn't give me that option. He didn't want that option. A roach flew on me a few minutes ago when I opened my back door to see if the cat wanted in. I screamed and ran away. Second time I've had a roach on me. Disgusting. There's nothing more that I hate than roaches. I sprayed it with roach killer, but it ran under the stove. Hopefully it is dying now, because I sprayed a ton on it, as well as up under the stove. And the stuff is supposed to kill it instantly. Anyways, I was thinking about writing Chris a facebook message telling him how he made me feel tonight, but I decided against it. I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing, and I don't want him to be mad at me and make the situation worse, or make something out of nothing, which I tend to do. I read too much into things. I'm always over-analyzing the actions and words of others, especially guys. I think it's something all girls do. It's incredibly hard not to. We want to understand why something or someone did/said what they did, and to do that, we think of possible reasons....and usually settle on the worst possible ones, fearing the worst. When there's absolutely no need to do so. Maybe it's all about creating drama in our lives. Because sometimes that's definitely what it seems to be about. And I can be a bit of a drama queen at times. Not always on purpose, but sometimes. Not tonight, though. He just plain ol' got my hopes up and squashed them like a bug. And I feel helpless, like everything's at his mercy...when he wants to, not what I want. But I know that's not entirely true, but sometimes it seems like it. Can you tell that I was upset by what I wrote at the beginning? I was using a few profanities...but I'm not going to change it, because that's how strongly I felt, and I felt it was necessary to use them in order to convey my true feelings. Waiting, waiting, waiting...that's what I'm doing. Will he call me? Most likely he won't. But is it a possibility? Yes, it is. But is it probable? I doubt it. I called Amanda at his asking earlier. He was like, why don't you call some of your friends and see what they're doing (not so that I could go out with them alone, but so that we could do something together). But she didn't know if she was going to go out, and if she was she was just going to be going to the Palace. She said she'd call me later. It's later, and she still hasn't called. Not that it matters anymore, because I'm in no mood to go out and drink. It has no appeal right now. Unless Chris wants to, that's a different story. But I just don't feel like I'd enjoy myself without him right now. Not that I'm saying I have to go out with him to have fun...not at all. It's just that my evening revolved around him tonight, and now that he's abandoned me, I just don't want to do anything else. But I'm bored to death. I have nothing to do. That's why I just keep writing, and writing, and writing. Not that I don't have anything to say. I have no idea what I'm gonna do tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. Looking forward to seeing Chris, but not the very, very long wait to do so. What a disappointment tonight turned out to be. And I was having a decent day, too. And the disappointment came from someone who I thought would be the last one to do so...Chris.