There's a pretty young thing in front of you, and she's real pretty and she's real into you

I have no luck with guys at all. They seem to be good guys at first, but then they go and break your heart. I just feel numb right now. Like I really don't know what to feel. It feels like something is missing, like I lost something. I did. I lost a (what I thought was a) great guy. Who was supposedly absolutely crazy about me. I thought I found someone good this time. Well, I guess I was wrong. Maybe it's like Anne said--that I'm experiencing all the heartbreak now, so that I will find someone who will last very soon. Surprisingly, I'm not depressed like I could be--like I have been about a guy before (Adam). Maybe that means my feelings for him weren't as real as I thought they were. Because, honestly, I never did have the feeling about Chris like I did about Adam (and still actually do). With Adam, it was butterflies in my stomach, can't stop thinking about him, want to be with him every single minute of the day. It was different with Chris. There was a comfort level that I've never ever experienced with a guy before. I felt so relaxed around him--like I really could be me without the fear of making a fool of myself. I didn't feel like that with Adam. I was always too nervous and never felt like I said or did the right thing. Obviously, there was something about Chris--I gave him something that I will never be able to take back. The one thing that I had felt so strongly about--the thing I was so adamantly waiting to do until I was in love. I don't regret it. Because I've had fun with him. But maybe it just happened too soon. Maybe things just moved way too fast. And I thought they were--at first. But then, the more time I spent with him, the more I grew to like him. And things somewhat slowed down. Yeah, we were spending a lot of time together, but what's wrong with that? We wanted to be around each other. And I didn't want it to end. I was so happy. And comfortable. And secure. I'd actually found someone who really, really liked me. And told me constantly. How he never wanted to do me wrong. Well, he fell through on his promise. Why? I'll never know. It's a question that can't be answered--and one only he can answer, if he even knows. My mom was surprised today when I told her I broke up with him last night. She's the only one who said I should just hear him out and give him another chance. Everyone else (including part of me) said to get rid of him. But she said since it was so early in the relationship, we should try and work things out. I tried explaining to her that how would I be able to trust him when he's done this twice already in such a short amount of time? I don't deserve a guy who treats me this way. And I've always said to myself that if a guy ever cheated on me, that was it. No more. But I emailed him this morning. I told him how much he hurt me. I said I was still willing to talk to him and see him, but we wouldn't be together. I told him that I didn't know if I could ever get back together with him because I don't trust him at this point. And if he really cares about me as much as he says he does, he will have to prove to me that I can trust him to never to it again if he really wants to pursue a relationship with me. I don't know if this was/is a good thing or not. I thought I'd go with my mom's advise, since I trust her judgment. I don't expect anything, and I'm not actually sure if I want to have anything to do with him again. So we'll see if he calls. But I won't be hurt if he doesn't. I think I'd be more relieved than anything. Here's an email my mom sent to me a little while ago:

Hi, Sweetie. Hmmm-that could be a name for kitty! Anyway, some thoughts from me--I want you to have someone that cherishes the ground you walk on-that surprises you when you least expect it-with a call or gift or just with kind words-someone that makes you makes you all warm and fuzzy inside-someone you can say anything you want to and tell secrets to-someone you want to spend time with no matter what you're doing-like grocery shopping, laundry or exercising-someone that makes you feel happy to be alive........that someone is out there---just feel with your heart and don't sell yourself short or settle for less.

I love you,

MOM