I'm proud to say that I will never make the same mistake

I heard from Adam--surprisingly--yesterday. He responded to my facebook message, which I never expected him to do. Here it is:

11:07am 06.18.05
Mallory:
So I know you've been on facebook while you've been in town...and since you never answer your phone when I call, maybe I can get through to you this way. I know you have no intention of seeing me again while you're here, or probably ever even talking to me again, except when you'll want something from me. You used me the other night. Well, you got what you came for and I don't ever expect to hear from or see you again--you're just going to disappear on me like you've done before. I don't know why I thought this time might be different--maybe it's because you were the one that contacted me--you made the effort, not me this time for once. But you apparently only wanted one thing and could care less about me. Because if you did, you wouldn't treat me this way. You'd actually want to see me and spend time with me--not just for sex. And I'm so mad at myself because I can't believe I gave in so easily--I went against everything that I've stood my whole life for. And no, you weren't my first (too late for that), but still...the one time you show an interest in me again--I let it go to my head. It's not to say that at the time I didn't want to, but the thing was, I knew I shouldn't because I knew this is exactly what would happen. It's all about what Adam wants. When YOU want to see me, when YOU want to call me. But what about me?? I'd have much rather talked to you in person, but I knew it would've been pointless to try calling again, because you wouldn't answer. I still like you, Adam, and you know very well that I have all along. But I can't waste my time on someone who treats me like you have--I don't deserve it. If any of what I have said is untrue, you're free to tell me so (but I don't think you have the guts to tell me how you really feel--good or bad). And I'll know that if I don't hear from you again, that everything really is true.
11:36pm 06.20.05
Adam:
Since you think it is all about Adam, Adam was drunk the other night when I called and I regret what we did... I'm not saying it is your fault at all, I'm saying that I would have not even gone over there if I was thinking clearly. I made a big mistake. You are right in that I had no intention of seeing you this weekend But You are wrong to think that I could care less about you. I just dont want to be in a relationship with you and that is why we go for long periods without talking. I think we really dont have too much in common and I just dont think it would work (even with both sides trying, since I havent really been trying) The reason it seems all about me is that whenever you are wanting me, I frankly do not want to hang out with you... I say no because there have always been other things that I am going to be doing. But when I do want to hang out with you and ask you, you have always said yes. This makes it look like it is all about me. If you would have ever said no, I would have understood. I am sorry for the other night and I hope that we can still be on friendly terms with each other. And I hope all this makes sense...
9:54am 06.21.05
Mallory:
I really appreciate that you finally told me the truth about how you feel...I just wish you would have told me a long time ago. I'm not hurt by anything that you said, because I knew it was true--I just didn't want to believe it sometimes, because for some reason I was hung up on you. And I probably would not have agreed to see you last week either, but I had just broken up with my boyfriend and I was feeling very lonely and then I got that message from you and it provided a nice little distraction. I'm not mad at you--if anything, I was more mad at myself. But I just had to let you know how I felt and wanted to get some explanation from you. And I finally got it.

I admit, it definitely stung a little to read the part about "not wanting to be in a relationship with you"--but that's only natural. Who wouldn't feel somewhat hurt reading that from someone you once really liked? But I'm honestly okay. It was a relief in a way. Now I finally have my closure. There's no more going back to Adam. No more pining for him, no more wasting my time on him. He did prove my point about it all being about him, but there's no use in fighting it. There's no point. He doesn't want to be with me, so why occupy my time with someone like this? I feel so much more mature. More mature than I ever have in my life, for some reason. Maybe it's all this drama I've gone through with relationships recently. I've felt like I've been the better person--the brave one. Anyways, time for dinner. More later.