I still feel for you like I'm right beside you

I was weak last night. Very weak. I was drunk and upset, and I called him. And he answered, acting like nothing had happened. Said he was going to call me today and that he really wanted to see me today. Yeah, right. Never got a phone call. Not that I should be hoping that he'd call, but I was. Stupid, I know. But I miss him. This morning, however, I realized I probably should not have done that. I called him back and left him a message, too. Saying how much I missed him even though he really hurt me. And how I really wanted to see him, too. Told him not to sleep with some other girl. That's probably what happened, which is why he hasn't, or won't call. Whatever. I don't need this guy. Not someone who cheats on his girlfriend who he supposedly cared about so incredibly much. TWICE!!!!!!! It's better that he hasn't called. Then I won't be able to crumble and go back to him. Because it'll be my fault if I do and he hurts me again in the same way. It's not worth it. Yeah, it's not...I went out with Martin last night to Yianni's. It was fun, until the end--the time when everyone's really drunk and is dancing and people start making out all over the place. I was just looking all around me, and I couldn't take it. I had to leave--I left crying. I felt so lonely and so sad. I missed Chris so much. I miss him now. I don't have anyone to kiss. No one to hug. No one to look forward to seeing and hearing from everyday. No one who wants to see and hear from ME everyday. And that's what I like most--the security of felt. I didn't think I had to worry about him cheating on me, because I trusted him. He gave me no reason to think otherwise, because he was so great to me. Always telling me how much he liked me, how much he care, how beautiful I was. I've never had that before. And it was really wonderful to have someone feel that way about you. I didn't think it'd come to this so soon. I thought it'd last--because I knew he wanted it to. He was always telling me so. I was in bed most of the day today just being lazy. I was tired and had a headache, and had nothing else to do, so I figured, why not? I wasn't depressed though. Just felt like taking a day to rest and relax. And mostly avoiding the void of time that I'd be spending awake waiting for him to call me. At least by sleeping, the time passes fast. But that call never came. And never will. Should I be happy about that? Because actually, I'm not.