I can't keep something I never had

I don't feel so good right now. Haven't been ever since I woke up from my nap. I tried working out some, mainly just ended up walking. Obviously, I'm still feeling the effects from last night. I'm going to try and get a little studying done tonight, so my day isn't completely wasted. But I don't know how much I'll be able to do, because I don't think I'll last much longer. How do people go out every night and drink? I cannot do it. I don't think I want to do it. Not every night. At least, not with the amount I had. I do want to go out tomorrow night though, and hopefully it will happen. Blake's gonna be disappointed about tonight, but I think it'll work out for the best because he's got a friend visiting in town, and I'm sure he's going to want to stay out really late, and I still have a semi-early (10 am) class. I don't want to be sick, either. What is happening to me? I'm definitely starting to go a little bit wild. Not that I'm complaining. I've done things this past week that I never ever saw myself doing. For one, drinking so much. Two, making out with random boys in public. Never saw that one coming...but it's been a lot of fun. And I'm glad I'm finally starting to have fun. Having some of those nights where you go, "what in the world was I thinking?" and "did I really do that?" Last night is included in the above categories. I think the age think is bothering me a bit. But I shouldn't feel ashamed...there's nothing wrong with the girl being older. It's hard because of the social stigma of it. I don't want the guy to call me though. It was a fun night. That's it. I don't think he will, which I'm hoping for. I bet he thinks he is so cool now...hooking up with a 21 year old...because I think his friends were definitely thinking it. But whatever. I'll never see or hear from him again. So all's good. And no one knew me, thank goodness. I was getting pretty crazy on that dance floor...seriously! But isn't this what college is all about, anyways? Once I find someone, I won't feel the need to go out so much...because I think that's partly what's driving it. But I think for once, I actually am enjoying being single, because I can make out with as many guys as I want! Two in one week...who would've known? I'm becoming more confident with guys, even without alcohol in me. I hope that translates into something positive for me soon, because I deserve it. I've waited long enough. An 18/19 year old?!! What was I thinking!!!!