Just open up it's so healing

I'm a mix of emotions right now. Tired, a little overwhelmed, content...all at the same time. Can't really describe it. So, I had to cancel my plans to go to see Anne in Orlando this weekend. Found out I have a test on Monday that I have not been keeping up (or really paying attention to) with the material. Gotta learn 17 essays worth of information in a week. Plus, another test on Tuesday. I'm not feeling stressed, especially since I decided not to go out of town. I'll be fine having time to study this weekend. Otherwise, I'd be freaking out trying to find time to get everything done. The fact is, I just am not capable of studying like I used to. I cannot just sit down and study for hours and hours anymore. But I guess that's a good thing! But now I can go out with Blake this weekend, because he still wants to...I think he's even more excited about it now because I told him about Saturday night. We're becoming pretty good friends. He's really easy to talk to and I feel comfortable around him. But he's just a friend, that's it. I don't have many guy friends, so I'm glad to add 2 more to my very short list. I may even hang out with him and his friends this week, because I told him originally that I could, still thinking I was going to Orlando. I really want to. I'm getting addicted to going out. OMG! Today when I was driving to class, I was sitting at a stop light when this car pulls up behind me. I look in my mirror and see that it's a really hot guy driving! I just got so excited...I think I'm really starting to go boy crazy (not that I wasn't before, just not to this extent). Yeah, so I thought that was really funny how I acted. I still can't believe Saturday was actually real. I can't believe what I did. I want to do it again! Well, next time I won't drink so much that I get sick, because I'm starting to discover my limits. Less is more for me, with my size and all. I just keep thinking about it...it really gave me a lot of confidence today. I found myself wanting to smile for no reasons many times today. Still can't believe I had a hookup...the scary thing is though, because I was thinking about it today...if someone wasn't there to keep an eye on me, what might have happened...because I know I was in no condition to be able to stop anything from occurring, if it were to. I was capable of saying no, but enforcing that decision, highly doubtful. Thank goodness it didn't get to that point and for Bryan being there for me. Gotta be really careful in the future. Anyways, I didn't exactly get as much studying for my class done as I had wanted to because it took me forever to do a few questions, so I've gotta go get some reading done before I get too tired. I just can't believe how much I've changed in these past couple of weeks...