These hearts they race from self control

I want to clear something up about what I said last night. I'm not upset about the date. Disappointed, yes. But did I cry about it? No. And I won't. I'm proud of myself for going out with him. Because normally, I know I wouldn't have--especially with a younger guy. But I'm really scared. I am starting to like him. He is seriously one of the nicest guys I have ever met. He's thinking about driving all the way home to Miami this weekend just to cheer up his mom by surprising her with his visit. Now that is so incredibly sweet. I don't not want to see him again, because I really like being around him. And maybe it was a good thing that we didn't kiss last night, so what we have isn't just merely physical. I think he was nervous. I know I was. I'm just so afraid I'm going to fall for him, and then he'll leave. One thing that I like about him is that I feel like there's no pressure--and I don't think that there will be, if the past nights I spent with him (especially Saturday) are any indication. Which is so freeing, because with Adam and the guy from Gainesville and Friday night, well, they wanted more. And I was not (and still am not) willing to go any further than kissing. I want to fall in love first. Because it's something special to me, not something I can just give up to anyone. I was so making eye contact with this guy in my last class today...I never really noticed him before, but he's pretty cute, and I'd just kinda glance in his direction every now and then...I'm not sure if he caught on or not, but he definitely was looking at me, too. Not going exclusive with Andrew, but I want to continue seeing him. I'm keeping my options open for other guys, too. Because I don't know if it'll work out, and I don't want to become too invested. I think it's too late for that, though. Why does this have to happen??? If only he were staying this summer...it'd be so perfect. But nothing's perfect, which is why it won't work out in the end. But I'll try and have my fun while I can, without letting myself fall too hard. No promises though.