what do you do when you look in the mirror and staring at you is why he's not here

Ok, so my journal isn’t working right now…it hasn’t been since yesterday evening. I’ve wanted to write since then, but the page won’t load and it’s really getting on my nerves. So I’m writing this in Word and I’ll copy and paste when it starts working again. I hate when it rains all day like this. It’s not raining hard, but it’s all gross and wet and yucky outside. It’s not a fun day to go to school, or to the grocery store, but I was all out of food. I got my test back in my Latin American politics class—I got a 100! I couldn’t believe it, I was so surprised. It’s with a curve, but who cares! I got the highest grade as well…guess I stressed myself out over nothing. I really didn’t think I did that great, but I guess it was better than the rest of the class! So that made me happy earlier. But then, as I was waiting for my afternoon class to start, my mood just started to plummet. I felt so sad all of a sudden. And lonely. I think it was brought on because as I was thinking about quotes to put on my facebook site, I started thinking about this one night with Adam and how we rented a movie and didn’t end up watching it at all, and when it was over, how he said “that was a great movie”…I originally wasn’t thinking of it in a way that would make me sad or anything…just reminiscing. But deep inside it really got to me and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I want someone so bad. I’m so desperate right now. I know it’s really sad. I just want someone to hold me, to want to spend his time with me, to kiss me…Now I’ve got myself all down again! Because I recovered before I started writing…but I’ll be ok. I’m so looking forward to Friday. And I’d really like to go out tomorrow, too. My mom wants me to—she was like, you should go out Thursday, since it’s your first St. Patrick’s day being 21…not like that stops most people…I’ll see what I can do. I may hang out with Kathryn and Meredith for her birthday. Or if not, maybe I can drag my sister out for a couple hours…she really needs to get out more—she apparently used to be quite the partier last year. I literally had to force myself off the computer last night. I’m addicted to facebook and myspace. Hmmm…I wonder if I’m going to be able to get any work done tonight.