out of the darkness and into the sun

Oh my gosh. Last night...well, that was one I will not be forgetting for a while. I cannot believe how drunk I got. That was by far the most I've had to drink and boy how it ended up affecting me! I was going for a nice buzz, and I definitely got that and more. But it was fun--at first. By the time I got home, I realized how out of it I was. I was definitely not coordinating my movements very well. Kathryn had to walk me to the door and open it for me because I was, well, in another place. Wow...what started out as a night of going bowling definitely turned out to be quite a night. I liked just hanging out at AJ's and having a drink. Not too many people there at first, but by 11pm, there were a lot more people. I so need to go out more often now, because I've been missing so much. I still cannot believe that waitress came up to me and said I should enter the bikini contest because I was what they were looking for--blonde, blue eyes. She really seemed to want me to enter--actually, she might not have been alone because when she first came over she said "we," but I don't know. Wow is all I can say. That is like the biggest complement. I have a hard time believing it, but I think other people are seeing in me something that I just cannot bring myself to seeing. But that's another subject--maybe I'll talk about it later. I mean, she came up to me twice about it. It was just so random. I mean, can you imagine me out in front of who knows how many guys in a bikini? I certainly can't. It's something that I could never see myself doing--it's so unlike me. But yet, I kinda keep thinking about it--what if I did it? I highly doubt I actually would, but I just wonder what people would think. I'm sure no one would ever believe it. Me, that quiet girl, in a bikini contest at a bar. That's just hard to imagine. And yeah--so last night really gave me a confidence boost. I think so many guys were checking me out (why, I don't know). And that one guy that came up to us who wanted to know how to get to Stetson's--come on! Yeah, and he so wanted to talk to me, but I didn't. Too old for me, and wasn't feeling him at all. Sorry, but I want someone my own age who's still in school. But those other guys at the table--the one in white so kept looking over at me. Oh my gosh! On my way home from picking up my glasses today--so many freaking guys were checking me out it's not even funny! Ok, so I was at a stop sign, and this car passed and on the passenger side was this guy who looked right at me as they passed (he was cute!). So I pull out behind them, and when I get to the end (it was Live Oak Plantation Rd. going towards Meridian), the guy so turns around and looks back at me. And the guy in the driver's seat (who looked older--I'm guessing it was the guy's dad) was so looking at me through the rearview mirror--and he even waved at me! Yeah, didn't really know what to do at that point but kinda look around like I wasn't paying attention. If he wasn't so old, I might have waved back or something (like if it was the guy's friend or something) but I thought that it would be too weird. And some other cute guys looked at me too while they passed by. Why don't I see it in myself? Why can't I like myself? I have very little self-esteem. Hopefully counseling will help with that. Oh! Back to last night--Kathryn and Lindsay were really into watching the basketball game. When it was over, we decided to check out what was going on upstairs. So we go up there, hear some lame music being played, so we turned around to go back down. However, the guy playing saw us and totally called us out! He was like, "ladies, where ya going? I buy you shots." So we went in and there were no one but guys up there (not that many people though). We're waiting for our shots this guy promised us, and after he was done, Kathryn and I went up to the stage area where we had some licquer poured into our mouths! And this was after I'd already had 3 shots and a drink! That did me in. Actually, I kept wanting to get one more shot--I was wanting to see what would happen if I had just one more. Thankfully my friends wouldn't let me, because I would have definitely been throwing up last night. I felt like it. When I got into bed, my head was spinning all over the place and it made me feel so sick. So I spent some time in the bathroom, but didn't get sick luckily. I have no idea how I got myself ready for bed when I got home. I went to sit on my bed and I missed and just slid down to the floor. (I know how bad that sounds!) Now I know my limits, and won't be having that much for a while--if ever again--but no promises ;) But I so want to go out next Friday. I am. I'm going to talk to my friend Blake. It'll be like a dream come true for him because he's always trying to get me to go out with him when he goes out. Strictly a friend thing though. He's just a really fun guy, and I'm sure I'd have a lot of fun. I did have tons of fun last night. And there's so many more to come! But this doesn't mean I'll be drinking all the time, because I don't want that to happen. Just wanna go out.