Sunday, March 04, 2007

I can have another you in a minute

It's not easy to change. I'm not talking about a huge, drastic change here. Even making small changes isn't so easy. I just don't know how to get to where I want to be. The process has been so slow, and I feel like I've gotten nowhere. I'm still stuck in the same place, and pretty much feel the same way. I just can't get used to it. Working. Every single day. What do I have to look forward to tomorrow? Work, the gym, and home. Repeat Monday through Friday. I mean, what can I do during the week, really? I don't have much time. And it's not a good idea to go out, with having to get up at 6:30am. Plus, I'm so tired by the time I get home. I don't want to do anything or see anyone. At least, I don't feel like making much of an effort. Maybe that's the problem? Even just throwing on some clothes and driving over to my friend's place to hang out for a little while? But that requires me showering, putting clothes on, maybe even makeup (because you never know who might show up or already be there), and getting in my car and driving the 5 minutes there. Not to mention driving home. It just seems like so much work, when all I want to do is nothing. Well, not really. I want to do something, I just don't know what! It's so frustrating. Everyone else is on spring break right now. I don't get a break. But I'm not in college anymore. Still, it's the first time in my life I haven't had a spring break. Even though I never did anything and still would be feeling lonely and left out even if I had one. Because I know I wouldn't have some fun trip to go on. Everyday is just so...routine. And boring. I still can't tell if it's just me, or the job. Maybe I don't want to admit it's the job because it is a good position for my first one ever and I feel guilty not liking it. But I don't know if I dislike it. Or am I in denial? I need to be challenged. That's what a big part of it is. It's too easy, too simple, and not enough for me to do. I don't know. Then again, maybe it really is me and this stupid funk I've been in forever. And if I didn't work, what would I be doing then? More questions, not enough answers.