I don't know where my motivation has gone. I've definitely lost it. And I desperately want--no need--it back. It's become easier to just do nothing rather than something. But I want to do something. And I try, but I end up doing nothing. So is the pattern day after day. It's really terrible at night when I come home. I go to work, go to the gym, then home. I have intentions of being productive, but I never seem to get around to actually accomplishing anything. Cooking takes up at least a half hour--and you can't even really call it "cooking." More like preparing dinner. But nevertheless, it's past 8 o'clock before I know it. And not to mention my cat Chloe. I love her to death, but she wants ALL of my attention when I get home. I can't blame her; she's home all day by herself, bored. But it definitely makes it difficult to do other things when she's constantly crying and begging for me to play with her. And before I know it again, it's time for bed. Repeat sequence the following day.
I'm stuck in a rut that I just can't seem to find my way out of. Yet.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Only doing it for the money
I will get paid. I will get paid. I will get paid.
That's the only reason that will keep me from blowing up about having to work on Saturday morning. I wouldn't even call it work. I'd call it a huge waste of my time, as I will be standing around doing nothing for 4 hours. When I could be sleeping. On my day off. It'd be different if I didn't already work 8-5:30 every Monday through Friday. But to have to get up that early on my Saturday? It really pisses me off.
I know, I sound like a spoiled brat. I should be very grateful I even have a job right now. A decent job (well, don't let me go there...) with decent benefits. Even though I am bored out of my mind and completely miserable every second I am in this office. But really, it's ok.
No, it's not ok. I feel so lost and so confused. I don't have any direction to go in. I don't know what else I'd want to do, where I want to go career-wise with my life. I've become very lazy and complacent--yet craving change. But it also scares me--the thought of finding a new job, starting a new routine. But I do need more excitement in my life. I am so incredibly bored.
That's the only reason that will keep me from blowing up about having to work on Saturday morning. I wouldn't even call it work. I'd call it a huge waste of my time, as I will be standing around doing nothing for 4 hours. When I could be sleeping. On my day off. It'd be different if I didn't already work 8-5:30 every Monday through Friday. But to have to get up that early on my Saturday? It really pisses me off.
I know, I sound like a spoiled brat. I should be very grateful I even have a job right now. A decent job (well, don't let me go there...) with decent benefits. Even though I am bored out of my mind and completely miserable every second I am in this office. But really, it's ok.
No, it's not ok. I feel so lost and so confused. I don't have any direction to go in. I don't know what else I'd want to do, where I want to go career-wise with my life. I've become very lazy and complacent--yet craving change. But it also scares me--the thought of finding a new job, starting a new routine. But I do need more excitement in my life. I am so incredibly bored.
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