If everyone cared, and nobody cried...

Doing ok this week. Tried to not feel like my life was so incredibly horrible, because I honestly know that it's not. It's just hard to not feel that way sometimes. Not that I've had an exciting week. I have been working, well more like trying to work, on my scrapbook/design stuff in the evenings. So, at least I've had a chance to do that. Hmm, not much else right now. Just looking forward to a long, 3 day weekend, which will end up not being long enough!

Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need

I am sooo bored with my life. I need some excitement, a change. Not too much of a change, but something different. I realized yesterday how ironic it is for me to be feeling this way at this exact time. I was up in D.C. during this time last year interviewing for jobs and thinking about moving there! It was weird too, how Chris contacted me a few weeks ago and wanted to be friends again--right before it was to be two years. So weird. Maybe it's just the time of year? Or I've been doing this for too long and realized I'm not satisfied and want something more. I do want something more. I haven't wanted to admit it because I feel so guilty about it, but I'm not happy with my situation. I feel like working here is just that--it's just a job. Not a possible career, which I guess I should be working towards? It's still all so surreal. It's only been a year, but it feels like forever. And I keep viewing it as, what do I have to look forward to? And that's not a good outlook on life. When you're just trying to get by day-to-day, living the same thing over and over again. And I keep thinking about how this is going to be what it's like for the rest of my life. And I really don't want to feel that way anymore. I've just got to get over my fear of change, because that's what's really holding me back.

There's a million things I wish I didn't do

Well, so far today I've managed not to freak out about anything. Or start to cry. Guess that's a good thing! I was really disappointed that I didn't get to go out last night, because I really wanted to. We'll see if I do tonight. I just can't get completely out of control like I have been lately. Because I can't miss work or go home early. Plus, I would like to remember my night, and I certainly didn't last Thursday. It's probably not so good that you don't ever remember being at the place you went out to...luckily, we were very smart and had someone sober drive us or get a cab. If not tonight, I'd like to go to happy hour tomorrow. But doubt that'll happen. For one thing, I can't get in touch with Ania. And second, she probably won't want to go in the first place. I'm just so confused in my life. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm absolutely miserable. I can't seem to figure out what I want, but what's new? I sometimes wonder if I will ever know. Part of me wants to move away to a big city. But part of me doesn't, and knows that I'm not ready. A major thing is that I don't want to go alone. I'm so tired of being alone, of doing everything by myself. I want to have someone to share the experience with. And I'm not exactly talking about a boyfriend. Just a friend. Someone who wants to be around me and spend time with me. It's lonely when you have no one to talk to. :(

Don't let me be the last to know

Nothing like your horoscope to completely put things in perspective. These things are so freaky sometimes. Maybe it's a good thing I just decided to go through my mail and happen to open it.

The outcome of this situation is pretty much up to you. If you decide to make a big deal about it, it'll end up being as dramatic and over-the-top as a soap opera. Think about it -- you do have alternatives.

Completely applies to my breakdowns that have been occuring lately, especially today. And just a few minutes ago, where I was hating my life like crazy. And saying how boring it is. Which, for the most part is true. Bed time now. That's what I mean by boring.