Hello again.

It's been a long time since I last wrote an entry (not counting the other one from today). As is usually the case, a lot has happened in this past year. Most importantly, I left my job and I was in a serious relationship.


Was being the key word.


I am no longer in that relationship, which lasted just under a year (2 1/2 weeks short, to be exact). Tonight, it will officially have been 21 days since he broke up with me. I say "he broke up with me" because it was his decision, not mine. It's true that we'd been going through a rough patch--the physical distance that separated us and our dual search for new jobs were making it very difficult to remain close. But I just attributed our problems to a normal stage of a relationship that we happened to be passing through; apparently, he did not.


I wish I could say I didn't see it coming, but then I'd be lying to myself. I know exactly when I first felt like something was up--it was all too familiar. We had gone 5 days without talking. Actually, it was more like I went 5 days without a phone call, a text, anything, from him. So naturally, I freaked out. Why hadn't he called me? Why didn't he want to talk to me? I ended up having to beg him to call me, especially after I started thinking that he may have gotten in an accident. I mean, who would have known to call me and let me know he was ok?

When I finally did get in contact with him, he gave me some lame excuse, which I of course accepted. Who knows if it really was the truth. It probably wasn't. He didn't want to bother with me, so he ignored me. I just remember that I was so relived to know he was ok and that he wasn't breaking up with me!

Oh, the insight that I now have. I guess I'm in a sort of reflecting mood right now, since I'm able to write this without feeling sad at all. Putting it down actually makes me feel more like a fool!

I'll just say that more of this behavior ensued in the following weeks, each time with me begging him to call me, and him reassuring me that everything was ok. Until that fateful Monday night 3 weeks ago when he finally told me how he's been really feeling. The ironic thing is that that time, I wasn't worried anything was even wrong, I just wanted to hear from him!

I will never doubt my intuition ever again. That sinking feeling that something just isn't right, it's not me overreacting (well, ok, maybe I might not need to get too worked up). But it's definitely never failed me now.

And...that's really all I feel like talking about it at the moment.

I'm still heartbroken. But I'm now realizing and accepting that maybe he just wasn't the one for me. And I'm super proud of myself for not even having contacted him once since then (well, minus my final words email I sent him the next day--I had to get a few things out that I didn't manage to through all the tears). I'll post that later.