And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head

For once I'm not taking a nap in the afternoon...well, at least not right now. It's amazing because I went to lay down and take one, but I realized that I can't sleep. But, as I sit here typing this, I feel my eyelids getting heavy...So, I saw Skip on Friday. Meredith and I went to AJ's, and at one point we were getting kind of bored because it was only the two of us and we didn't know anyone else, and it's the kind of place where you need to be there with more than just 2 people. I'd called practically everyone I knew to see what they were up to, but I couldn't get in touch with anyone. So I decided I'd call Skip to see what he was doing, and as it turns out, he was on his way to AJ's! I definitely wasn't going to leave at that point. So I take Meredith and we find a table in the front, so I could be on the lookout for when he comes in. We were right in front, so it's kinda hard to miss us. But of course, he didn't see me, and I went up to him to get his attention, but he didn't hear me and walked off. I was a little pissed at that. I went back and sat down and decided he'd just have to come and find me now, because I wasn't going to go up to him again. He kept talking to some girls for a while (I'm sure he knows them). Then, when I wasn't paying attention, he came up to me, giving me a hug and kissing me on the lips (and it wasn't the kind of kiss you give your parents or anything when you see them!). And he seemed all happy to see me, and did this little look thing that he always does when he's with me. He was sooo drunk, but it was cute. Some guy that I guess he knows came up and kept looking at me funny, and sat down by me, and Skip left, and the guy ANNOYED me so much so that I had to get up and go find Meredith. When I found her, she wanted to leave, so I told her that I wanted to go tell Skip goodbye. He was sad that I was leaving and gave me a pouty-face type look. But at that point, I was like, I'm such an idiot. Why would he be sad, since he wasn't hanging around with me, so what did he care whether or not I was there?? Anyways, I started crying a little bit when I got into the car, but not much. Just had to release a bit of tension. EVERYONE says to forget him, that he's not worth it. EVERYONE of my friends, including my mom. And I know it, too. But, against my better judgment, when he called me later that night, I decided to go hang out with him and some other people at his place. Of course, I knew what would happen...that's what I WANTED to happen!! I didn't really care about much else at that point, other than that he called ME, when he could have called, or brought home, someone else. But it was me he wanted to see. And I admit, it made me feel special. I just don't see how he can not feel anything, that it's completely meaningless. You'd have to be inhuman for it to not mean anything. Just the way he holds me, ALL NIGHT (and morning and afternoon, lol!), and just the little things, like feeling my heart beat, kissing me on the forehead, and holding me so incredibly close. We have this absolutely AMAZING chemistry. It's just unreal how attracted we are to each other. And I know it's just not me. Because if he clearly was just using me, he wouldn't act the way he does, because I've done the casual thing before, and it has NEVER been like this, not with Adam, not with Chris, not with Ryan. That doesn't mean that he's changed his mind about not wanting a girlfriend, but it doesn't have to be completely nothing to him, either. Friday was our 6th night and half the day (3:30pm!) we spent together. And I doubt it will be the last. Do I want more? Sure. But do I think he might be coming around somewhat? I do, especially after this last time. There was definitely something different with him, not in a bad way at all. But I'm still not going to push it, or wait around for him, either. Still taking it day by day, because as long as I'm still able to see him for as long as I WANT (it's not going to be about whenever HE wants to see me), that's what I'm gonna do. Oh, and guess who I got a facebook message from this morning-- ADAM!!! Yeah, he just wanted to say hey and see how I was doing (I guess that's it!, as he said). I'm really wondering what that means, because he's never just written me without having some other purpose in mind. Does he want to see me? Do I want to see him?? If that is the case, one thing's for sure: I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM!!! No, no, no, no!! If he's not in it to be in a relationship with me, I don't want to get back involved with him, because it will only lead to heartbreak. Guys don't easily change their ways. And I'm sure things would end up like last time. And I'm not gonna do that to myself again. No way. I wrote him a very short message back saying I was doing good, just busy with school and stuff, and asked how he's been doing. We'll see if he answers back...