'Cause knowing you are out there breathing, it's so wonderful

"All my life, everybody has seen me a certain way."--Lena from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

I could not relate to anything more than this. When I heard it, it just struck me--that is me--that WAS me. For SO long. Way too long. I had created this image of myself--this person that everyone else saw as me. But it was never really me. Just one side. I was always too afraid to show the real me. To break out. To do something crazy. Something no one expected of me. I couldn't, because I was trapped in this mold that I was unable, or unwilling, to break free from. It was safe. It was what I knew. It's what everyone else knew. But I always longed to be one of those girls who had so much confidence, so much energy and charisma. The girl who could go up to anyone and start talking to them. Who didn't care what other people thought. She could do crazy, unexpected things, because it was ok. It was expected. But why couldn't I? Why did I feel that I had to be forever quiet and reserved--and good. I don't do bad things. I'm a good girl. I'm responsible. If I do that, what would everyone think of me? I can't do that--because that's not the me that they see. But now, I finally feel alive for once in my life. I have the control, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I was once so afraid of letting anyone into my life to see the real me. I was afraid they wouldn't like what they saw. But once I opened up, nothing but good has come from it. I've continued to have my ups and downs, of course, but that's life. I've never been happier. I've never felt more confident in myself than any other time in my life. I just wish that I hadn't waited so long--that it didn't take me this long to finally realize it. But maybe I had to go through everything that I experienced to get here. It was the path that I was lost on. But maybe I wasn't lost at all--it just took me extra time to get here.