Then it all remains the same that you ain't ever gonna change

I was never expecting it to hurt so much. I wasn't going to let it. But as the day wore on, and the more I came to the realization that he really wasn't going to call and that nothing had changed, it started to chip away pieces of my heart. I knew this was going to happen. I KNEW IT. But I didn't really want to believe it. I tried to tell myself that you're not going to be hurt because you expected to not hear from him. It didn't work afterall. Now I just feel alone and sad and hurt. I don't have anybody to be with. I want to go out, but there's no one to go out with. It's probably better that I don't go out and drink my sorrows away, because it will only make things worse. I'll start bawling and I'll end up calling him drunk--which would be another huge mistake. It's driving me crazy that he hasn't called. And it's taking all my strength and willpower to not call him. Because I did earlier this afternoon--I left him a message (surprise, suprise). Somehow I knew he wouldn't answer...it's a pattern with him. So he knows I called. No use in calling him again and getting his voicemail a second time. Because I know that's exactly what will happen. He's avoiding me. Apparently, last night was absolutely nothing to him. While it was in no way perfect or went as planned, it still was something special to me. It was with him, for one thing. Which is a double curse. Because of how I feel about him--how much I like and care for him, it could be the most amazing experience, or I can get incredibly hurt. The latter, of course, is what ultimately prevailed. Why did I ever think things might be different this time with him? It's because I tend to see the good in people--their potential. And maybe it's because I don't want to believe that they're treating me in this horrible way. I want to believe that they really do like and care about me--that if I just stay around, they will realize how great we are together. But that's not right. Why am I waiting around for someone to realize this about me when there is someone out there who alreadys KNOWS how wonderful and amazing I am and would be incredibly lucky to have me? I'm settling. For someone who I mean absolutely nothing but a one night stand to. I believed him when he told me he missed me. When he told me he still liked me. Why do I fall for it? Why? I don't need any guy to tell me this stuff in order to be happy. But it makes me feel good. Who wouldn't feel good when they heard that? Why do girls do this kind of thing to themselves? I know I'm not the only one, not at all. You never hear of guys keep going back to some girl (or least it's much more rare--at least it is to me). I just can't believe what a fool I've been. How completely stupid I am. All for what? A dumb guy.