And my mind is sure to go

Another summer is coming to an end. Another wasted summer. This should have definitely been one that was filled with productive undertakings. But, of course, it wasn't. I could never get it together. Partly, I didn't want to do anything. I knew I should get a job. And I feel so guilty that I never did. My dad really could have used the money. Then I got sick. It hasn't been at all what I expected. Not that I ever really had expectations, except that I needed to find a worthwhile job or internship. Had one possibility, but that didn't work out. I still need to contact them again to see if there might be any internship opportunity available for the spring. But I don't want to call...I have this thing with phones and calling people. I've been like that my whole life. It used to be really bad, where my parents would always have to call for me. I'm much better now, but still I get nervous and hesitant. What's there to be afraid of? Really! That's what I always have to remind myself...yet, there still lingers this fear that the person on the other line is judging me, even complete strangers. And you'd think that it'd be easier to use the phone for that exact reason. Anyways, so my summer was a complete bust. I don't even feel like I did anything at all. For the past month I've been sleeping most of the day, occasionally going out. Before that, the days were spent recovering from my late nights with Chris. So many people went to study abroad this summer. I wish I was one of them. I still have nothing to show for my future. No clue what I want to do. What I will do. My time is running out. There's not long left. If I want to go to law school, I've got to take the LSAT, not to mention apply to a zillion schools. But in my heart, I really don't want to do that at this point. It could possibly change. But I don't know. I've always thought of law school as the "practical" thing to do--not something I ever really WANTED to do. Then again, there's never been something that I really wanted to do. I've never had a passion for anything that could lead to a future career. I still don't. And it's unlikely I will. Don't get me wrong, I really like politics, and I know I want to do something in that field. But the question is, WHAT DO I WANT TO DO??? I am so sick of not knowing. The unknown is wearing me down, and I can't take it anymore. I'm so sick of people asking me what my major is and then "what do you want to do with that? Law school?" Just don't ask me ANYMORE!!! Please, for the sake of my sanity, JUST DON'T.