When you left I lost a part of me

You know what's really been bugging me lately? There are a few people who I've invited to go out several times this summer, yet, THEY never call me to invite me to do anything. And it's really pissing me off. It's always me calling them to see what they're doing. It kinda hurts because it feels like they don't want to hang out with me. Maybe that's the case. I'm just too busy to be a part of their lives. On the other hand, there are those people that are always there for me, and I appreciate that more than anything. But this has just been making me mad because they are friends of mine. I guess I'm just not thought of when they make their plans. But whatever. Who needs people like that? I certainly don't. It just sucks because it sometimes is such a hassle to find people to go out with, since Ania's not here. And even when she's back, she's going to go through rush and probably join a sorority, which will definitely change our relationship. She'll be busy with sorority stuff. And that's another issue I have to deal with. Do I want to go back in the fall or not? Because I apparently now have some options to stay inactive (thanks to mono--one good thing came out of it). I just can't decide. Part of me wants to. But then again, the negatives are outweighing the positives. It costs $2,000 a semester. It's so ridiculously expensive! And I don't want to have a meal plan. I have a kitchen. I like to cook my own meals because it's stuff that I like and I know exactly what's in it and how it is prepared. There's no way my dad can afford to pay for it, not with the townhouses and all. So my mom suggested taking out a loan. A LOAN?!! I don't want to take out a loan. It's not worth it. I don't have any way to pay it back, and I don't want that hanging over my head. Then there's the whole fitting in/making friends thing. I know I'd fit in a lot more now that I drink, so socials wouldn't be a problem. But one of the biggest turn offs of the chapter for me was how out of place I felt. I have so much more confidence now than I did last year, which I'm sure would help somewhat, but I'm not sure if I want to go through all that again. Last semester was so nice not having to worry about the sorority. It was a huge load off my shoulders. And I didn't miss it. It's just a major cause of stress for me. I believe I made a mistake in the first place by affiliating. AHHHHH!!! It's too hard a decision. But it's one I'm going to have to make really soon.