Well I thought that we'd be different babe, yeah I thought that we would last

All guys are the same. They really are. I know of no exceptions. IF YOU SAY YOU'RE GOING TO CALL BACK, THEN FUCKING CALL BACK!!! And no, not the next day. IT TAKES 2 SECONDS!!! HOW HARD CAN IT BE? IT'S NOT, BECAUSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME. ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT WASTED DOING NOTHING BUT WAITING FOR A STUPID GUY TO CALL. I'M SO PATHETIC, I HATE IT. We have another amazing night out (and afternoon) on Thursday, but here I am, watching a repeat of last week. I could be hanging out at Ania's, but I got tired of just sitting there watching tv. I felt like I was in the way. And I was really bored. And I really wanted to go out. With Skip. Thought it was actually going to happen when I called him tonight. First time was a bust, waking him up and everything. Then I called him back an hour later to say I was sorry again (he wasn't mad or anything, I just felt bad) and we talked for a bit and neither of us was doing anything and we both wanted to go out. Said he was going to check with some friends and he'd give me a call in a little bit. So another hour rolls by, I've taken a shower and put my foundation on, and am just hanging out doing nothing but waiting for his call back. And guess what? It never comes. So I called him AGAIN, and got his stupid voicemail and left a message asking him to call me. Ha. Fat chance. Why am I kidding myself? Do I actually believe he is into me? Yeah, stupidly enough I do. All the signs are there. Except, here comes the damn phone thing again. It all starts with this. Ania briefly mentioned last night she thinks he's playing me. I don't see it. He doesn't act like he's playing with me. These stupid games that go on at the beginning. They're so stupid. Can't call too much, don't want to do anything to scare the person off, don't want to come on too strong. Fuck it. FUCK ALL OF IT. Am I a little mad? You bet I am, especially when I start swearing. You know it's serious business when I do that, because the only other time I swear is when I'm drunk. Tonight's deja-vu all over again. And it's not a night I want to be repeated. But unfortunately, it will, because that's the way my life goes. Something good comes along, but something always goes wrong. It's like someone's saying that I don't deserve it. Well, I don't care if I'm being selfish, but I do. I'm doing things right this time. And tonight I probably just screwed it up by calling him 3 times. And this time I doubt there will be an apology to follow tomorrow. I'm not calling him again. If he has any interest in me at all still, he will call me. He doesn't even need a reason. Just FUCKING DO IT. He saw a picture of me today at some house he was at. He actually told me. Was he looking for me, since it was a KD composite? Or did he just happen to come across it? But why would he mention it to me if that wasn't the case? Obviously he thought it was important enough to tell me. Was it a sign? Did he want me to pick up on some subtle hint? Because I normally don't go around saying to people, "I saw a picture of you today" when I look at people's pictures. That would be tiring. I JUST DON'T GET WHY HE WON'T CALL ME BACK. HE BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON. I don't want it to be over. Not yet. Not again. Not so soon. I can't keep a guy. They start to get to know me and then they run away. I know, I know, "It's not you, it's them." But at some point, you've gotta wonder if it really is you. But that's why I'm using my past experiences from this year to do things differently this time. I haven't acted at all like I have with Adam or Chris. No calling him everyday, or seeing him several times a week. When does that point come when all they want to do is see you and be with you? Because it's already here for me, and I'm doing all that I can to hold back, and I really have been doing a good job. WHY? WHY? WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.