I don't know where you went when you left me

I feel really strange right now. It's a combination of what happened last night, and some very disturbing dreams I had about Adam. I won't even try and describe them, because for one thing, they're fading really fast, and two, it wouldn't make any sense. They just give me a not-so-good feeling. I think it had to do with the fact that I found 2 of his roommates on facebook last night. I haven't added them as friends, nor do I intend to. I don't think that'd be a smart move. It'd make me seem like a stalker or I'm obsessed with him or something. Well, maybe that's a little extreme, but nonetheless, I think I'd be making another mistake if I did, even though I liked his roommates, and they seemed to like me, too. But that's one of those unspoken rules of don't mess with an ex's friends. (Or maybe I'm just making that up). If they somehow come across me, that's a different story. In a way, I kinda would like that to happen, because maybe it'd somehow get to shown to him, and he'd realize he made a huge mistake. Because he did. And he should regret it. I just can't shake the feeling from my dream. I don't like it at all. The basic underlying premise of it was what a jerk he was for just stopping all communication with me. Just not something I'd like to be feeling. Is it Saturday? I guess it is. It doesn't feel like it. I don't know what it feels like. I feel empty. Emotionally drained. Wishing things had turned out differently. I found this great quote on a friend's facebook page last night that I really love: "Don't regret anything that once made you smile." It so applies to me right now. I don't want to regret ever dating Adam because it made me so incredibly happy and we had some really great times together. But then again, look at all the heartache it's caused me. That's just the chance you take when you put your heart out on the line. When the feeling is mutual, it's the most wonderful thing in the world. But if it's not returned or as strongly felt, it's like a huge blow that just knocks the wind out of you and you don't know if you'll ever be able to recover from it. I want to though, and I'm trying to make it happen, but things just keep getting in my way of achieving this goal. I'm not staying home tonight. No matter what. I don't want to be sad, crying, and alone again. It's just something that I've gotta do for myself. To prove to me that I can get out there and be happy and have fun and be on the path to meeting someone. Have I mentioned that it's all I want right now?