so if you see me walking down the street, baby don't turn away

I'm so proud of myself. I actually finished my paper today. I decided that I'd go ahead and get it over with, so that way I wouldn't have to worry about it this weekend. So now that's over with. I watched Without a Paddle tonight. Very funny. But also really dumb, but fun. It made me laugh. I needed to laugh. I thought of a few more things that I'd like to do. I want to go on a picnic. I want to visit a state park. I want to go to the junior museum, because I haven't been there in forever. I want to do something wild. Something crazy. Something so not me. Because I'm sick of living within this impossibly perfect little image that I've created for myself. I feel trapped. I can't get out. I'm afraid. Why am I so scared? What is there to be afraid of? I care too much about what other people think. I'm so incredibly self-conscious. I always feel like people are looking at me, staring and judging. But I know that they really aren't. Yet, I can't convince myself that it's true. I need to let go. I want to let go. I have so much inside of me that wants to be let out. I want to let somebody in. I need to let somebody in. I feel like no one has ever really seen the real me, or what comes close to it, because I know most people never get to know someone on that level. But I hold back way too much. I never really express myself like I should, like I want to. I'm constrained within this nightmare image. I'm a good girl, so I can't be bad. I'm quiet, so I can't speak up. I'm shy, so I can't go crazy. I make good grades, so I can't fail. That's all people see me as: this smart, shy girl who never talks. That's me. That's who I've been my whole life. But that's not really me at all. I've never been like this inside. I hide it all from the world. I really am like two different people. I have my public persona, and then I have my private persona, where I can be me. But I'm ready to show the world who I really am. It's there right under the surface...waiting to be set free. But I just can't seem to let it out. I don't know how. But I've gotta figure some way to do so. Because I've missed out on so much already, and I don't want to be left out anymore.